


Coffee, Cookies, and You

by pancakesandtea



Category: Phan, dan and phil
Genre: Coffee, Cookies, F/M, Gen, LIKE IT'S SLOW REALLY SLOW IM SORRY, M/M, Multi, Other, Phanfiction, Slow Burn, coffee shop AU, felix is a party animal lmao, phil really likes cookies okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-11-12 12:25:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11161794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pancakesandtea/pseuds/pancakesandtea
Summary: "I’m sorry," a soft voice echoed through the empty hallway of the house, half pulling me out of my thoughts.I looked up from my lap with bleary eyes, to see the tall figure before me. I smile a little bit. It’s always him."You being here makes all the difference," I replied to the soft voice. “Besides, you did nothing wrong.” His blue eyes glimmered in the dark living room as he smiled slightly, making his naturally crooked grin even more crooked. He sat down next to me on the wooden floor with our backs against the sofa."Will you stay with me?" he asked. I was taken aback by the question, maybe because he didn't know how much he meant to me, and only I really did.“Of course,” I said, and I embraced him. “You are my everything, I will never let you go.” We sat there for a while in silence, just in each other’s company.I could live for him. I could definitely live for him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> •••PLEASE READ THESE•••  
> Hi guys! this is an old piece of fan fiction I was writing that I kinda gave up on, but I decided I would post it either way. Its not fantastic, but I put a lot of time into it to not have it up somewhere. I'll try finishing it, but it'll be pretty short. I hope you enjoy it!

I should really clean out my backpack more often than I usually do; not because there's a bunch of useless rubbish in it, but because there are too many fond memories in it that need to be erased. Erased from my own head because the happiness of it makes me remember when things were once good. Because once I pull myself away from the memory I realize that once again, nothing is good anymore. But I'm just babbling. I know they say, "isn't it better to have loved and be hurt, than to never have loved at all?" but sometimes when you have been loved and have been hurt again and again, it gets tiring when it keeps coming back up to bite you in the arse. But maybe there's more to it than that. Maybe there isn't. 

Humans are selfish, self destructive beings. They are born into the world by their parents, raised to love them for the most part, only to be forced to bury the ones that have been there their entire lives, and then the cycle repeats. It’s all out of love. But why do we keep hurting ourselves like this? Is love really  _ that _ powerful? It’s stupid of me to think I am so ignorant of the whole topic, because I’m just like the rest of humanity: lost in love. Except sometimes humans are  _ not _ selfish out of love. They’ll do it out of envy or out of anger. They’ll be selfish because they’re sad. All just to feel special and different from everyone else. The fact of the matter is, everyone is exactly the same. 

I remember the time when I was in New York City, when and I was aimlessly walking around the streets of "the village". It was about 1 am, and I saw that there was a small ice cream shoppe just about to close. There was a young couple still lingering at a table, and through the glass I could see a 16 or 17 year old boy being yelled at by his boss because the kid was too shy to ask the couple to leave. At that moment I could relate to the poor kid, because I knew he didn't want to ruin their night. But who knows? Maybe that's not what he was thinking, and I was just I’m making up pathetic stories for myself again. But I don’t want to think about what happened in New York City right now; that memory would only make my current situation worse.

I was sitting on the living room floor of the house, unable to stop crying. I wasn’t crying because I didn’t care anymore, I knew that already, but because it scared me that I didn’t care anymore.  _ I didn’t care. _ The realization of it all brought me to tears on the hardwood floor of this flat. What will happen to me now? There was no point in anything because no one would ever remember me. There will be my immediate family, but that is all. Maybe my friends. Maybe some co-workers.

Maybe.

I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to live anymore. Does that even make any sense? At this point I don’t even feel like I am living anymore, but simultaneously it’s a constant burden of anxiety and sadness that racks my whole body. I think all I want is to be able to pop in and out of existence on occasion, just for a little bit of time so I can come back and feel a little bit better than before. Maybe that’s why I love sleeping so much; it’s the closest thing I can get to not existing for a few hours. Maybe it’s better off if everyone just forgot about me. It would save a lot of trouble for everyone; I know that everyone finds me a nuisance. 

"I’m sorry," a soft voice echoed through the empty hallway of the house, half pulling me out of my thoughts.

I looked up from my lap with bleary eyes, to see the tall figure before me. I smile a little bit.  _ It’s always him. _

"You being here makes all the difference," I replied to the soft voice. “Besides, you did nothing wrong.” His blue eyes glimmered in the dark living room as he smiled slightly, making his naturally crooked grin even more crooked. He sat down next to me on the wooden floor with our backs against the sofa. 

"Will you stay with me?" he asked. I was taken aback by the question, maybe because he didn't know how much he meant to me, and only I really did. 

“Of course,” I said, and I embraced him. “You are my everything, I will never let you go.” We sat there for a while in silence, just in each other’s company.

I could live for him. I could definitely live for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, I guess? I'm surprised that you, the reader, are still reading this at this very moment. I guess that means you like it! Thanks for continuing to read the fic!

There was a little tuft of hair that always stuck up on the back of his head; it bothered me so much, everyday I saw him in Clubhouse I wanted to walk over and pat it down. 

Let me explain myself. 

I worked at a coffee shoppe in London called Clubhouse, trying to keep myself afloat while being in my second year of university. Luckily, I got a full four year scholarship to the school to because I’m a nerd, so I can live in a flat with a roommate instead of always needing to give way all of my hard earned money to school. It  _ is  _ nice; however the only free time I ever have is Saturday, when I don't have work or school. I work the mornings from 7 to 3 on Mondays through Fridays, and then get on the tube to get to school because my classes started at 5. That's every weekday. On Sundays I worked from 8 in the morning till closing time. It's a ton of work, but it's worth it to a certain extent because it gave me enough money at the end of the month to pay my flat rent. It’s pretty boring, but like I said it gets me a shared flat. My roommate’s name is Felix. He’s going to the same school as me, but he's not the most hardworking person I've ever met. He mostly spends his weeks planning a big party every Saturday, trying to find a different place to hold it every time just for the fun of it. I guess it's nice being his roommate for that reason though; I get to go to his parties whenever I want. I never go because I hate people. Besides, I know people enjoy those parties more without me. 

When you first walk into Clubhouse, you immediately get hit in the face with the smell of coffee that will stick on your clothes for the rest of the day. You can see a large long table in the middle of the room. It went straight back to the back of the cafe, and it was a sort of communal table. There were three or four tables on either side of this massive table as well, with mismatched chairs that surrounded them. The walls were a weird mustard yellow with dark brown crowning wrapping each wall. Carpet was run throughout the entire cafe, which seemed really dumb when one thought about design plan. Didn't these people think of naturally occurring human error and the inevitability of someone spilling coffee? The counter, where I mostly stayed all hours I worked, was in the left corner of the shoppe. In the right corner of the room, there was a massive coffee bean roaster that was always making loud noises, even when it was turned off. The lighting was always semi dark unless it was midday. The entire room was always filled with nameless hipsters that called themselves “too cool and original to be called a hipster” which was the most redundant thing I could have ever heard someone say.

There was a man, twenty-something or so that always sat himself by the right window. I always remember him waiting outside of the shoppe until it opened, to guarantee he got that same spot every day. The entire day, until I left at least, he sat there doing things on his laptop.

Weird. 

Every time I looked over at the guy I felt personally offended by his hair being an abomination, but I could never do that to someone, especially with someone with the same exact haircut as me.

I guess that says a bunch about myself.

It was nearing the end of my day at Clubhouse, but I needed to pee. I looked up at the clock on the wall to see the time was 2:58. I figured I could clock out a little bit early; it’s not gonna make any difference. I go into the back room to go clock out, and quickly run out to the single person bathroom. I briskly opened and shut the door. After I finished washing my hands, I looked up at myself in the mirror. My hair was very messy, and the fact that I haven’t slept in two weeks was starting to show in the bags under my eyes. I shake the water off of my hands since there were no paper towels, and opened the door. Just as I was about to leave, I walk right into a man about my height.

The window guy.

“AH!” Window guy shouted in surprise. He stumbled back, and if it weren’t for the wall directly behind him he would’ve fallen on his arse.

“God I’m so sorry,” I said as I helped him up. “Are you alright?”

“Uh yes I’m alright,” He said. “But I’ve seemed to have dropped my glasses and my vision is quite abysmal. Would you be able to look for them for me?”

“Of course,” I said, and when I glanced at the floor I saw them immediately. I picked them up and put them on his face.

“There you go,” I said. He blinked a couple of times. “Sorry for the trouble.”

“No worries!” He laughed. “I was the one standing too closely to the door.” I laughed at the remark.

“I didn’t seem to catch your name,” I said. “I always see you sitting by the window.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” he laughed sheepishly. “I’m Phil.”

“Cool,” I replied. “I’m Dan.”

“Nice to meet you, Dan!”

“You too.”

I looked down at my watch. “Shit! I’m going to miss my train!” I stumbled around the corner and out the door before Phil could say anything more.

I could have sworn he smiled at me as I ran away from him. 

~~~

After my classes, I walked up to the third floor of my building to my flat. I opened the door to muffled shouts. 

“NO IT’S FINE, JUST GET IT NOW,” Felix shouted into his phone. “WE JUST NEED A NEW PLACE.”

“Jesus Felix,” I mumbled. “You know you don't need to shout into the phone all the time.”

“I know,” he abruptly whispered. “But it's fun!”

He continued to lovingly shout into his phone at his girlfriend Marzia planning the location of his next party as I went to my room. He's the most extra person I know, but he’s really nice. After a long half hour more of yelling, I love yous, and laughter, he wrapped up the phone call. 

My room was pretty uninteresting. There were four white walls, with a black queen sized bed in the middle of it. My ceiling was bare, with the exception of a small hole in it right above where I slept. The sheets were black, and so were the side tables. My closet doors were black as well. Not a guy for color. I was never one for decoration, and even if I was, I wouldn't be good at it.

Felix, however…

Felix’s room was larger than mine, but it felt smaller. His walls were a creamsicle orange color with a pale yellow ceiling (no clue why), and there was so much stuff on the walls. If it could exist on a wall, Felix had it. Posters, photos of him and Marzia, deer antlers, glow in the dark kids’ lamps, various pieces of art that one would buy in the target dollar section, mirrors and mirrors and  _ mirrors _ , god, the room was border lining a funhouse. His headboard was white, and he has a faux fur cover on top of his mattress.

“Alright,” Felix said, no longer shouting. “I’ll see you tomorrow, alright? I love you!” He hung up. 

“DAN,” he shouted in the direction of my room. “ARE YOU GOING TO THE PARTY TOMORROW?” I walk over to the threshold of my bedroom to see him standing at the end of the short hallway. 

“I don't think so Felix,” I replied. “You know I love going to your parties, I just don't enjoy being around that many people.”

“Okay then,” he said sounding discouraged. “I’ll take you off the guest list.”

“Hey, would you mind if PJ went in my place? I think he would enjoy it far more than me.”

“Sure.”

I had been letting PJ go to these parties for the past couple of weeks now. PJ was my best friend since secondary school. He had brown hair and blueish greenish eyes that could kill a man because they were so beautiful. He was the only one that knew all of my blips and secrets. And I mean  _ all _ of them. He was the one person I truly trusted.

I headed back into my room and flopped on my bed. I didn't have anything to do because I finished my homework in class. I decided to just put my pyjamas on and go to bed. I typically just tossed and turned in bed instead of actually sleeping, and maybe  _ that’s _ why I always looked like death. Tonight I didn't feel like dealing with the long awaited hours until morning, so this time, I fell asleep. 

~~~

It was Saturday at 10 pm or so. Everyone would be at Felix’s party by now, and maybe I only felt a little bit left out this time. 

Maybe more than a little. 

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for reading! I will probably post again after my finals are over. See ya soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys so my finals are officially over yay !! I hope everyone knows that before they read this, I didn't finish. I might make this much shorter than I first intended it to be, but I might just leave it as something that could have been. but enough of my emo crap, I hope you enjoy this next chapter :)

It had been weeks since the first time I actually talked to Phil, and we haven't stopped talking since. 

It was a Saturday, and I decided I would call PJ up to see if he wanted to hang out. I dialed his phone. 

“What's up, Dan?” I heard PJ’s voice say on the other end. 

“Nothing much,” I replied. “Hey, uh, are you free today? Maybe we could hang out again?”

“Yeah, sure. What do you want to do?”

“I was thinking maybe just some Mario Kart?”

“Dan,” PJ whined. “Why can't we go to the park or something? Play football or, well I dunno. Outside stuff!”

“You sound like my dad.”

“Ugh fine. But next time I get to pick what we do.”

I laughed at his comment. “Alright, Peej,” I said. He said that every time I asked him if he wanted to hang out. 

Every time. 

“Alright,” he said. “I'll be over at your flat in about fifteen minutes.”

“See you then,” I hung up. I walked into the main living room and sat down unceremoniously on my couch. I had nothing to do but think, and I really didn't want to do that. Instead, I set up the Wii. 

I remember the first time PJ and I first met. It was my first day of secondary school, and I was scared out of my mind. I was never well liked in primary school because I was kind of weird, and I had a gut feeling no one would like me at the new school. I got into an incredibly prestigious school, filled with pretentious, obnoxious, privileged kids. I was doing sort of okay until the dreaded time finally came: lunch. I know that all of those high school coming-of-age movies are so cliché, but one of the things that they got right in them was picking a lunch table. Picking one decided who your friends were, who  _ you _ were as a person, who would beat you up in the boys’ bathroom, etc.. I remember looking around at the vast room, seeing distinct friend groups convene at different circular tables. I scanned the room, when I spotted someone waving at… me? I pointed at myself while looking at the boy that flagged me. He nodded and beckoned me to come over. I walked over cautiously, and sat myself down next to him, my heart beating fast.  _ This kid’s probably pulling my fucking leg _ , I remember thinking. I was never really one to be hopeful about anything. 

“Hi,” He said. “My name is PJ, but most of my friends call me Peej. I know you’re new here, and when you walked in I had a feeling you needed some friends.”

“Wow,” I said. “ _ Thanks _ .” I was being really sarcastic but he laughed. 

“I have a feeling we are going to be good friends,” PJ said. 

And he was right. 

If I didn't have PJ in my life, I don't know where I would be. I don't know if I would even be in college, or even alive. He has saved me from so much shit over the years, and I don't know what I’d do without him. He's my best friend. 

We used to hang out more often before college, but we always tried to make it work when our schedules matched up. Just as I finished plugging in the three colored wires (they were always so annoying, you always had to stick a mirror behind the TV to see what order they went in), someone knocked on the door. I walked over to open it, only to see a smiling PJ in the threshold. 

“Hey Dan!” PJ said. 

“Come on in, Peej,” I said. I moved to the wall to let him enter, and I followed him into the living room. 

Our flat was pretty nice, and a really good deal. The living room had an almost floor to ceiling window in between two red curtains. We had light-colored hardwood floors throughout the whole flat, and since Felix was such a fashionista he  _ had _ to decorate it to perfection. We had a red couch in front of our TV to match the curtains, and a red carpet underneath a glass coffee table. We had a piano because if I didn't, I don’t know how I would survive. It was pretty old, but I didn't care as long as it could play. We had a bunch of pictures hanging on the walls too. Most of them were of Felix and Marzia, but a couple of them were of my family and I, and of PJ and I making a fool of ourselves. 

We both flopped down on the couch and started to play Mario Kart. I don’t know why I still bothered playing against PJ, he was the actual king of the damn game. Of any game really. I still found joy in shouting and cursing at the monitor every time I fell off of the track Rainbow Road (that fucking track is out to get me, I swear). 

“So,” PJ said. “What's been going on lately?”

“Eh,” I said. “Nothing much really. Mostly just working at the coffee shoppe.” I didn’t really want to talk about Phil with PJ, not because I don’t trust him, I do, but I know there was a small chance of him getting offended that I was hanging out with someone else that I saw more often than him. 

“That’s good,” He said. “Your flatmate Felix is really cool. He’s loud, but he’s funny.”

“Yeah he’s cool. His girlfriend is really sweet too. And very pretty.”

“I didn't know you swung that way.”

“Who said I was talking about Marzia?” 

PJ laughed. “I sometimes wonder why you went into film instead of comedy. You would've been great.”

“I would've been shit,” I reply. “I would've walked on, said something stupid, and walked off leaving the entire audience in an atmosphere of discomfort.” I loved making people laugh, but I also knew that I was never good at it. At least with film, it’s something I love and could do well. 

“God fucking dammit!” I yelled when I fell off the course for the umpteenth time. PJ laughed as he crossed the finish line. 

“I think the only person who could ever beat me is Felix,” PJ said. I was getting a bit annoyed about how much he was talking about Felix. 

“Yeah,” I said with passiveness in my voice. “Whatever.”

“Hey,” He said. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” I grumbled. I walked into the kitchen to grab a soda. 

“No,” He said laughing. “Get over here, you piece of shit.”

“No!” I yelled trying to express anger, even though I was trying hard not to laugh. He quickly caught up to me in the kitchen and tackled me. 

“TELL ME WHAT YOU WERE GONNA SAY!” He shouted. 

“NEVER!” I yelled. All of a sudden I saw a slight shadow fill the room. Felix was standing above us in complete confusion. 

“What the  _ fuck _ ,” Felix murmured. “You know what? I’m not even gonna ask. I’m just gonna  _ walk _ away, and pretend nothing happened.” He slowly turned around and walked out of the kitchen. PJ and I looked at each other, and burst into a fit of laughter. I made it dramatic enough that it seemed that PJ forgot about the whole reason why he started to chase me. That was good, I didn’t want want to talk about it. And besides, I felt like if he was going to ditch me for my flatmate, I might as well try to get him back before it was too late. Was that too crazy? 

Maybe it was too late.

I think I’m going to the party on Saturday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked that PJ Exposition™ I put into this chapter lmao. Thanks for actually reading this fix and leaving kudos it means a lot to me!   
> ALSO!! I have a tumblr if you wanna follow my shitposting,, it's weird-skeleton-hats.tumblr.com  
> Until next time, keep being, uh, great? you? idk i've never been really good at ending stuff.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, I'm so sorry that this chapter is like two sentences long, but I needed time to pass somehow. I also had a two book fix for this story line, and this chapter was going to mean something. Since I am just posting it to get it out there, I'm cutting that short and making a different ending. sorry about that

_ I am walking down a cold and bare hallway. The hallway feels alive. It's not a very good alive though. It feels empty and sad, but it has no idea why it's sad. It pretends that it is complacent even though I know that it cares about what other people think. For the first time ever, I know I’m not second guessing myself. I know I’m right this time. I am wearing a white shirt and baggy sweatpants. My feet are completely bare, and I only see the endless hallway ahead. I feel the urge of walking, almost as if it’s more comfortable to walk than it is to actually stand or sit. I look at the floor to see inky blackness below me. I feel my heart beating faster and faster. What’s wrong with me? I start to run faster into the hallway trying to escape nothing, but I am only sinking into the floor with every step. I try to stop, but it takes an immense amount of energy out of me, and doesn’t do anything but make me feel exhausted. I can’t stop. I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop I can’t stop. When I am fully submerged in the inky blackness and I can no longer see the complacent hallway, the scene melts away. _

_ I am now in a park of sorts. It's sunny, clear, and I can see a dog and its owner playing fetch. There are many rolling hills and large boulders in the hills, and it seems like the park is surrounded by a city. A squirrel scurries in front of me, and I smile. Things seem good. I feel a sensation that I have never felt before though. It doesn't quite feel like happiness, but it doesn't feel quite like sadness. It hurts a little bit. I can’t seem to explain it. There is a shadow of a person next to me, but no body. This doesn't alarm me, for some reason it makes me feel safe. The shadow is walking next to me. I am about to ask it who it is, but I am stopped by the quick changing sky. It becomes gray and stormy, and I begin to have the same anxious feeling that I did in the hallway. The shadow gets angry, and starts to get bigger. I try to run away, but instead of running away my body lunges at the shadow without my consent. The shadow freaks out, and I am unable to express I didn't mean it. The shadow is scared and sad now, and for some reason all my feet do now is move away. The scene melts away once again.  _

_ I'm back in the hallway again. It didn't change, but it felt like months had past. I feel the anxiety kick in again, even though I know I should be prepared for this since it happened before, but I still feel scared for my life, I am still sinking, I still can't stop. I am sinking into this only blackness again and I know it's the last time… _

I woke up covered in sweat. I looked at my phone to see that it was 3 in the morning. There was no point in sleeping anymore. Maybe I could be hopeful this time and fall asleep. 

Maybe. 

I ended up lying in bed staring at the hole in my ceiling. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I can't believe you guys enjoy my shitty writing :) thanks for all of those kudos and reads !!

**Author's Note:**

> sorry that the first chapter is an existential crisis lmao oops. I'm posting the second chapter today as well.
> 
> Thanks for ACTUALLY reading it !!


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